I can never come up with a title for a post like this because I never know for sure what it is going to be about.
I only have this compelling need to write a blog post. I don’t know what I’m going to say yet. Only that I have something to say. Is that weird?
Ok…let’s get on with it.
I’m feeling incredibly dissatisfied with myself lately. Maybe it is my lack of productivity. Or the monotony of what I’m doing. Or the lack of focus. Or the lack of fresh air. Probably a combination of all of the above would be my best guess.
I have seriously considered that I should probably try to develop some sort of schedule to my life. Like getting up early and doing client work for the morning and web site stuff in the afternoon. That was my plan when I quit my cooking job.
But, knowing me and who I am…I can’t see that ever happening. That’s like putting a wild pony in a corral and expecting it to be ok. No, the pony will just be a sad little pony.
I don’t want to be a sad pony.
So, instead, I need to find a way to make my weird sleeping patterns and my lack of desire to have a schedule.
I just haven’t figured out what that is yet…
My other problem has been writer’s block. Ya, I know, there are lots of writers that tell you it doesn’t exist. Whatever. I’m going to say that is what it is because I seem to be incapable of putting a story onto my Word documents these days. I don’t know why. It’s not that I don’t have story ideas. I do. I have a whole binder full of them.
But none of those stories are ones I want to tell.
I sit down to right and I might manage to get a couple hundred words written and then I’m blank. If I force it I get crap. And then I get mad at myself.
So, I’ve kind of been taking a break from writing stuff other than what I am commissioned to write by clients. Even that can be a struggle but I have to do that so I do. I’ve been thinking about what I really want to write and what stories I want to tell.
Not what do I want to write that will make lots of money, but what do I want to write that I will enjoy writing.
Let’s be honest – if I’m just going to write stuff that I think will sell lots I might as well have a job. It’s not enjoyable anymore. I’m just clocking in, writing stuff, and clocking out. I have to do that when I do client work so why would I do that for myself. It just gets to be painful.
I’m taking a couple free online writing courses on Udemy in hopes that it will inspire me. Or at the very least make me feel like I’m doing something to improve my craft.
Life Outside Computer Land
One thing that I have definitely come to realize is that I need to have other interests besides the stuff I do on the computer. Seriously – it’s just not healthy to work on the computer all day and then watch TV all night. It’s not good for your body or your brain!
But I can’t think of anything I want to do that really interests me enough to spend time on it. I’m not into sports. I don’t like crafts (in fact, I’m pretty bad at anything artsy). I don’t have money to redecorate. In fact, anything I choose to do has to be pretty much cost free. And keep in mind that I live in a really small town and there’s aren’t a lot of cost free options for organized activities.